Yes, You’re Allowed to Ask the Somm for a Different Wine Glass

Jopus Grevelink recalls a guest timidly asking if he’d still pour her a glass of Sancerre if she asked for it over ice. “I told her that’s exactly how my mom drinks her Sancerre, and that I love my mom,” says the senior beverage manager for José Andrés Group at The Ritz-Carlton New York, NoMad. “The whole table laughed, the tension disappeared, and she enjoyed her wine exactly the way she wanted for the rest of the evening, without guilt or hesitation.”

Things worked out well for this ice cold wine-loving dinner guest. But all too often, oenophiles don’t speak up about their preferences, or defer to the sommelier, resulting in an experience that’s as lukewarm as a poorly-chilled rosé. The truth is: it’s okay to push back on a wine professional. So why do some people find that concept so difficult?

Michael Scaffidi, wine director at Fish Shop Bar & Restaurant in Washington, D.C., believes it comes down to a perfect storm of factors: lack of knowledge, fear of the unknown, pop culture stereotypes—and even the classic sommelier uniform, which can be viewed as stuffy, right down to the lapel pin. But whether you want to drink white wine with meat, a high-end bottle of red Burgundy chased with Mexican Coke, or an ice-filled glass of Chablis, he believes you should feel comfortable and confident in your choices. Put simply, his wine philosophy echoes song lyrics from the ‘90s alternative hip-hop group Digital Underground: “Doowutchyalike.”

Advocate for Your Palate

But how can you get to that elusive place of empowerment? The most obvious way can also be the most awkward: speak up. “Don’t be afraid to advocate for your palate,” Scaffidi says. Whether the wine just isn’t what you thought, or you fear it might be flawed, share your concerns, while managing your expectations. And remember that a taste or two before committing to a selection is fine, but hoping to sample your way through the entire cellar like it’s an ice cream shop isn’t. 

According to John Mitchell, wine director for Soby’s New South Cuisine in Greenville, South Carolina, a successful sommelier is open to direction and follows the guest’s lead, whether that means fielding requests to pour a single ounce in an oversized glass or Cabernet into a flute. “We’re here to please and balance standards with guest enjoyment.”

Speaking of glassware, perhaps no other wine has as many anxiety-inducing rules and norms as Champagne—including how it’s served. A few months ago during dinner at Botanist at the Fairmont Pacific Rim in Vancouver, I witnessed a couple at an adjacent table ask that their Champagne, which had been served to them in regular stemware, be repoured into flutes. For the past decade or so, the industry has touted the benefits of serving sparkling wine in large-bowled glasses to better appreciate the aromas. While I get that, it’s also hard to debate the celebratory, festive vibe given off by sipping it from a flute. The sommelier accommodated their request, and the couple went on to toast and savor their bottle of Blanc de Blancs.

“Meeting different people everyday with wildly different wine tastes and solving each and everyone’s wine puzzle is extremely satisfying,” according to Matthew Jacobson, head sommelier at the Fairmont Pacific Rim. But feeling “judged” by wine professionals, he believes, often comes from a poor experience in the past. “I’d compare it to the same thought process as someone who has been cheated on in their previous relationship,” he says. “It would be difficult to easily trust in their next relationship.” But subscribing to a mentality of “once bitten, twice shy” is limiting.

The Price Conversation 

Moreover, it’s imperative to allow pricing to enter the conversation—including having a different budget in mind than what you think the somm is anticipating. “Pricing is a guiding light for a sommelier,” Mitchell adds. Clearly stating (or even hinting at) how much you feel comfortable spending for a bottle goes a long way. If you feel weird about verbalizing amounts in front of your dining companions, he suggests pointing to the wine on the list, or name-dropping a bottle you enjoy that’s in the same price range.

Scaffidi says he’s created many long-term relationships with guests through honest conversations about price. “‘I can only afford this much’ takes the guesswork out of the conversation,” he says. “It’s like going on a date and saying, ‘I want to kiss you, so let’s kiss first so we can both enjoy our dinner.’”

Beyond the price point, Grevelink believes guests also need to do their due diligence in accurately and honestly stating their preferences. He cites the research of author Malcolm Gladwell, who discovered that people who claim to like bold, rich, dark roast coffee actually prefer ones that are lighter, sweeter, and more approachable. 

“When put on the spot, many guests say they love big, chewy reds, but our restaurant data often shows they gravitate towards lighter, Pinot Noir-style wines,” he says. “I wish guests felt more comfortable from the start being honest about what they truly enjoy.” Don’t tell the sommelier what you think you want them to hear, but what you really like to drink. 

Off the clock, sommeliers are also known to flout those pesky, unconventional, outdated rules. In other words, they’re just like us. Mitchell pours wine into a coffee cup for hikes, walks around the neighborhood or on boating trips. Scaffidi doesn’t care if his stemware at home is polished, enjoys a post-game glass still dressed in his pickleball attire, and grabs the bottle and fills his tablemates’ glasses at a restaurant rather than waiting for the server. And Grevelink remembers the time he forgot to pack a wine key during a picnic in Central Park, so he pushed in the cork and drank it anyway. “Not exactly a sommelier-approved technique, but in the moment it was perfect,” he says. “Wine should be joyful, not overthought.”

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Published: March 27, 2026